I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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