I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
