She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
