you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
