Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
