I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
