Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
