He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
