hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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