Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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