from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
