And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
