fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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