lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
