so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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