You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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