So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
