I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
