We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
