I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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