home. puking in laundry basket.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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