Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
