The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
