So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize