I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
