He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
