But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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