I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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