I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
