You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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