You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
