When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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