$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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