Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
