As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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