her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
