I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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