Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize