Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You are the jesus of drinking
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
