She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
