physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need to sanitize my soul.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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