Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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