new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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