she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she peed on how many people?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
