I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
