Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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