Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
