If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
