I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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