I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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