I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
