in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
