When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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