My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
