We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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