I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize