I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
pop tarts are not kleenex
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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