Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
