thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize