sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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