Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
