i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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