I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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