I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
