All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
