I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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