just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
