Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
