HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am available for nakedness
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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