TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
