just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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