Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
