So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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