if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
ok first of all what the fuck
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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