just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Please don't give away my fajitas
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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