Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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