Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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