see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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