mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
