Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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