take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
