Christians are straight up FREAKS
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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