So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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