So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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