ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize