I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
