I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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