No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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