thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
